The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
