You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
