That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
