I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
porn star boner night. come get it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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