All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
