Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
