You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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