my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
