capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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