What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dick very happy bro
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
