Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
