The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
