as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
