I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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