Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You may now shotgun with the bride
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
