some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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