I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
