just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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