If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
