I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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