Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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