Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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