R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
