I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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