I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You can't special order awesome
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
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