now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
