...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
