i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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