Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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