My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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