hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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