I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
