Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
