4 words: hood of his car
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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