they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
