i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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