I'm so fucking centered right now
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
