Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
