my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
