They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
