she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
