he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
