this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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