Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
