Only a mothe r could love this liver
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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