fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
