Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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