also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
