He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
