Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
