By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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