How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
