Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
