At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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