I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
