I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
