Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
