Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
