I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
