apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
