then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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