These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
