do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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