I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
