New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
