it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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