go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think my vagina is haunted
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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