i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
