what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
