you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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