I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
